Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Some Things I've Learned in 14 Years of Marriage

Scott and I celebrate 14 years of marriage today . . . wow, how has it really already been 14 years?  And 18 years since I met him?  I am now exactly double the age that I met him too, as I was 18 when we met, and now 36.  I really can't believe it's been that long!  
About 5 years ago, I wrote a blog entry when we were celebrating Nine Years of Marriage.  I just went back and read that, and I still feel the same way about all that I said.  Since that time, a lot more has happened . . . we had another child!  We have experienced more joy, but also more struggles too, along the way.  There are so many more things I have learned, and I know there are still so many more things left to learn!  
But I thought about it tonight, and wanted to come up with some things I've learned so far in my 14 years of marriage.  Some may be a little of the same that I mentioned in my nine year anniversary post, but some may be new.  Let's see what I come up with?!
1.  For a God centered marriage, both husband and wife must be growing closer to God.  Without individual, spiritual growth, it is not possible to grow closer to each other in the way that God wants you to, and you will miss out on the blessings He has for you and your husband in your marriage.  This is a daily goal for me . . . to spend my own time in my Bible, and in prayer, growing closer to the One who loves me and knows me best, who put me specifically with Scott, my husband, for a reason.  I desire to know and learn more about Him each day.
2.  Remember that you are on the same team.  I know I mentioned this in my other post, but it really has become an on-going motto in our marriage.  We will have disagreements, that is only natural, but the way in which we discuss our different view points always goes back to remembering we are on the same team.  We will get to the same goal, but we may have different ideas of how to get there, and we can respect and listen to each other's ideas and come up with the solution that is best for our marriage and family.  It may require some compromise on your part and your husband's part, but it is so worth it to get the problem solved, while remembering you are on the same team.  Don't fight against each other!
3.  Don't embarrass or put down the other person in public.  This is something we learned early on, and were open and honest with each other about.  Early on, sometimes one of us would say something about the other in front of others, not meaning to hurt or embarrass the other, but that is what it did.  By being open and honest with each other about how it made us feel, we knew better how to act the next time.  We make it a point to try our best to build each other up in front of others.  Does it mean that we are both perfect?  No, but does it mean that we respect each other and notice the good things that each other are doing?  Yes.  And we say it in front of others too.  Build each other up!  If you haven't tried this before in your marriage, I encourage you to do so.  Positivity and encouragement goes a long, long way.
4.  Change will happen!  In both yourself and your spouse.  And that doesn't have to be a bad thing.  It can be a good thing.  I have moved more from being a very organized and uptight-ish type person to a more un-organized and relaxed person that can let things go more that I never could before.  Scott has gone from un-organized to "more organized" and we are both the better for it!  We are also both constantly learning new things about ourselves.  Sometimes we find a new hobby that we like that we didn't know we would.  Try to support each other in your endeavors, even if you don't have a specific interest in that thing.  You can support each other in their new interest, and appreciate the other person for who they are growing and becoming along the way.  Change is natural and it happens.  It doesn't mean that you are growing apart from each other.  Include each other in your changes, and you will be the better for it!
5.   Don't let your kids become your sole focus in your marriage.  Before we even had our first son, who is now 10 years old, we took a class at our church which encouraged you to always have "couch time" when your spouse got home from work.  Time where just you and your spouse sit and catch up on your day and your children see that you each are important to each other, and that they are not the center of your universe.  I don't know about you, but when our children are grown and gone, I don't want to look at my husband and see him for the first time and wonder now what do we do?  I want to just continue my life with my best friend and quite frankly, as much as I love our children and all the fun things this stage of busy child-rearing brings to our life, I am really looking forward to the time when it will just be me and my hubby again!  :-) Now, I confess we have not always been perfect at always doing "couch time" every day, but we do try to make it a point to always acknowledge each other when the other gets home, and we regularly make time for "date nights."  Our children see us making our marriage a priority, and I know they find security in that, as do we.  Your time together with each other is important, and worth the sacrifice and extra planning it takes to make time together happen.  I encourage all couples to make time together a priority.  
Well, I know there are many, many more things I could share about what I've learned over the past 14 years of marriage . . . and maybe I will continue this post at a future time (probably not though, as life still moves too busy for me to get all my ideas and plans out that I want to!)  But for now, I hope that this has encouraged someone else in some small way in your own marriage.
Scott is still the perfect one for me that God blessed me with, the one who can make me smile like no one else, and the one who I want to spend the rest of my life with!
"My beloved is mine, and I am his;  . . . " - Song of Solomon 2:16
 It is interesting that we celebrated 14 years today, and I also am looking forward to growing more in my role as wife to Scott in a new devotion book I will be reading, called "Wife after God - Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband" by Unveiled Wife, Jennifer Smith.  This is a blog/website I've been following for a little while now, and she asked for people who would be willing to read her 30-day devotional book and write a book review about it.  I was selected to do so, and I'm so excited!  I've never done something like this before, but I am honored to do it.  Check back in with me in 30-ish days from now for my review of the devotional book.  I can already tell I'm going to learn a lot more and have more to share about what I learn from this book.  Check out her website in the meantime, Unveiled Wife, for a lot of great daily encouragement for you as a wife in your marriage.
post signature

No comments :

Post a Comment