Some Things I've Learned in 14 Years of Marriage

Scott and I celebrate 14 years of marriage today . . . wow, how has it really already been 14 years?  And 18 years since I met him?  I am now exactly double the age that I met him too, as I was 18 when we met, and now 36.  I really can't believe it's been that long!   About 5 years ago, I wrote a blog entry when we were celebrating Nine Years of Marriage.  I just went back and read that, and I still feel the same way about all that I said.  Since that time, a lot more has happened . . . we had another child!  We have experienced more joy, but also more struggles too, along the way.  There are so many more things I have learned, and I know there are still so many more things left to learn!   But I thought about it tonight, and wanted to come up with some things I've learned so far in my 14 years of marriage.  Some may be a little of the same that I mentioned in my nine year anniversary post, but some may be new.  Let's see what I come up with?! 1.  For a God centered marriage, both husband and wife must be growing closer to God.  Without individual, spiritual growth, it is not possible to grow closer to each other in the way that God wants you to, and you will miss out on the blessings He has for you and your husband in your marriage.  This is a daily goal for me . . . to spend my own time in my Bible, and in prayer, growing closer to the One who loves me and knows me best, who put me specifically with Scott, my husband, for a reason.  I desire to know and learn more about Him each day. 2.  Remember that you are on the same team.  I know I mentioned this in my other post, but it really has become an on-going motto in our marriage.  We will have disagreements, that is only natural, but the way in which we discuss our different view points always goes back to remembering we are on the same team.  We will get to the same goal, but we may have different ideas of how to get there, and we can respect and listen to each other's ideas and come up with the solution that is best for our marriage and family.  It may require some compromise on your part and your husband's part, but it is so worth it to get the problem solved, while remembering you are on the same team.  Don't fight against each other! 3.  Don't embarrass or put down the other person in public.  This is something we learned early on, and were open and honest with each other about.  Early on, sometimes one of us would say something about the other in front of others, not meaning to hurt or embarrass the other, but that is what it did.  By being open and honest with each other about how it made us feel, we knew better how to act the next time.  We make it a point to try our best to build each other up in front of others.  Does it mean that we are both perfect?  No, but does it mean that we respect each other and notice the good things that each other are doing?  Yes.  And we say it in front of others too.  Build each other up!  If you haven't tried this before in your marriage, I encourage you to do so.  Positivity and encouragement goes a long, long way. 4.  Change will happen!  In both yourself and your spouse.  And that doesn't have to be a bad thing.  It can be a good thing.  I have moved more from being a very organized and uptight-ish type person to a more un-organized and relaxed person that can let things go more that I never could before.  Scott has gone from un-organized to "more organized" and we are both the better for it!  We are also both constantly learning new things about ourselves.  Sometimes we find a new hobby that we like that we didn't know we would.  Try to support each other in your endeavors, even if you don't have a specific interest in that thing.  You can support each other in their new interest, and appreciate the other person for who they are growing and becoming along the way.  Change is natural and it happens.  It doesn't mean that you are growing apart from each other.  Include each other in your changes, and you will be the better for it! 5.   Don't let your kids become your sole focus in your marriage.  Before we even had our first son, who is now 10 years old, we took a class at our church which encouraged you to always have "couch time" when your spouse got home from work.  Time where just you and your spouse sit and catch up on your day and your children see that you each are important to each other, and that they are not the center of your universe.  I don't know about you, but when our children are grown and gone, I don't want to look at my husband and see him for the first time and wonder now what do we do?  I want to just continue my life with my best friend and quite frankly, as much as I love our children and all the fun things this stage of busy child-rearing brings to our life, I am really looking forward to the time when it will just be me and my hubby again!  :-) Now, I confess we have not always been perfect at always doing "couch time" every day, but we do try to make it a point to always acknowledge each other when the other gets home, and we regularly make time for "date nights."  Our children see us making our marriage a priority, and I know they find security in that, as do we.  Your time together with each other is important, and worth the sacrifice and extra planning it takes to make time together happen.  I encourage all couples to make time together a priority.   Well, I know there are many, many more things I could share about what I've learned over the past 14 years of marriage . . . and maybe I will continue this post at a future time (probably not though, as life still moves too busy for me to get all my ideas and plans out that I want to!)  But for now, I hope that this has encouraged someone else in some small way in your own marriage. Scott is still the perfect one for me that God blessed me with, the one who can make me smile like no one else, and the one who I want to spend the rest of my life with! "My beloved is mine, and I am his;  . . . " - Song of Solomon 2:16

 It is interesting that we celebrated 14 years today, and I also am looking forward to growing more in my role as wife to Scott in a new devotion book I will be reading, called "Wife after God - Drawing Closer to God & Your Husband" by Unveiled Wife, Jennifer Smith.  This is a blog/website I've been following for a little while now, and she asked for people who would be willing to read her 30-day devotional book and write a book review about it.  I was selected to do so, and I'm so excited!  I've never done something like this before, but I am honored to do it.  Check back in with me in 30-ish days from now for my review of the devotional book.  I can already tell I'm going to learn a lot more and have more to share about what I learn from this book.  Check out her website in the meantime, Unveiled Wife, for a lot of great daily encouragement for you as a wife in your marriage.

Charleston Getaway 2012

A couple weeks ago, Scott and I got the opportunity to go on a spur of the moment trip to Charleston.  Charleston has been one of our favorite places to go together, and is the place where Scott proposed to me on November 6, 1999.  This is the exact place where he proposed . . .

I was sitting on one of these square wood benches when he popped the question.  :-)

We drove down late on Friday night, took our time, didn't get there until 11:30 pm, slept in and didn't check out of the downtown hotel until 11 am.  Then just walked around Charleston, going in and out of shops, enjoying the views, eating at restaurants.  We went to Folly Beach, but it was so crowded, we just drove by, never got out.  But that was fine, because we enjoyed the drive in the air conditioned car.  We stopped by Barnes and Noble for a little browsing and coffee, then back to downtown Charleston for dinner before heading out of town that evening.  It was so wonderful and a much needed refreshment for us.  Since we took our big family vacation to the Outer Banks back at the very beginning of the summer, we really felt like we needed a little relaxation before our busy Fall school schedule starts back up again.  It just worked out to go, and Scott's parents watched the kids for us, which was great and so appreciated!  We are so thankful for the times like these that we get to relax and refresh and just spend time with each other.

After all these years, he's still the one for me!  And the one I most enjoy being with and spending time with!

10th Anniversary Weekend Trip to Charleston

We went to Charleston, SC over Labor Day Weekend to celebrate our 10th anniversary. Although our actual anniversary was on July 1st, we planned our special trip over the long weekend. Scott proposed to me back on Nov. 6th, 1999, so it was neat to go back for a weekend, just us to celebrate!

We love to eat at great restaurants in Charleston!

On the dock at Battery Park, view from where Scott proposed to me

Looking out at the new bridge that was built several years ago . . . it wasn't there when Scott proposed to me

Eating at A.W. Shucks . . . Scott with his exotic seafood steampot for 1 meal

Me with my non-exotic, traditional chicken fingers, fries, & hushpuppies

Drove out to Isle of Palms beach after dinner to walk on the beach

Me, 18 weeks pregnant . . . 10 years of marriage, 2 kids, and 1 on the way!

My cute hubby

Us at Isle of Palms beach . . . we are still happy 10 years later!  :-)  Hard to believe it's been that long!  I pray for many more great years together!

Reminiscing

One more reminiscing post with some of my favorite pictures of Scott and I from our wedding. I don't think I've ever posted any on this blog, so I thought this would be the perfect time as we celebrate our ninth anniversary! We definitely were a lot younger looking then! :-)

Nine Years

Tomorrow, July 1st, Scott and I celebrate our 9th Anniversary of marriage. It is hard to believe we've been married nine years, and have known each other for 13! It is a long time in today's society, when so many people call it quits after a short time of being married. We have known many friends that got married around the same time as us, who are now divorced, separated, remarried, or thinking about one of the former currently. It is very disheartening to us to see so many couples who we know and love not together anymore, or thinking of not being together anymore. We know that every situation in a couple's marriage is not like our own, and we can't completely understand what people are going through. But one thing we do know, is that we are blessed to be in the marriage we are in. It is true that things have not always come easy for us in our marriage. We have had our fair share of hard times. But I can honestly say that we never thought about quitting, or giving up. God put us together for a reason, and we honor the commitments that we made to one another. It is not a small thing that we have lasted nine years, and hope to last at least 7 times that many years! Marriage in today's society is often taken so lightly. If the people in the marriage change, or discover new things about themselves that they didn't know when they got married, then why not trade that person in for someone new? Wouldn't things be so much better on the other side with someone that doesn't carry their baggage or mine too? I'm not speaking from experience, but only from what I've heard from so many other people. Well, guess what, every person has some sort of baggage, every person grows and changes. God would not want us to stay the same. He wants us to grow and change, and hopefully to grow closer to Him. I think the problem often comes when someone grows and changes away from God. If both people in the marriage are growing closer to God, then they are growing closer to each other too. I can honestly say that Scott and I have a great marriage and enjoy being married to each other. It doesn't mean it is always easy, or that it's not a choice that we make every day. But we do make that choice . . . we are on the same team. I often say that when we are in the midst of an argument or disagreement. We are not fighting against each other, we are on the same team! We may have different ways of seeing things or thinking we should accomplish the same goal. But normally we have the same goal in mind. We have to often put aside our selfishness to hear the other person's idea or way of doing things. But we always keep in mind that we're on the same team. Once we realized this in our marriage, that one of us was not going to take the option of "getting out" or threatening to leave each other, boy have things been smoother! Not that either one of us really ever thought of leaving as an option, but in today's society, it is a regular choice for many. Don't get me wrong, our marriage is not perfect and we have our things to work on daily, but we work on them. My heart is just broken so often for marriages failing, and people giving up. Nothing is too big for God to work out! This week I celebrate my marriage with my hubby. I am so thankful that he has not given up on me, and I have not given up on him. I love him for so many things. More today than the day I married him. I've seen him develop into a wonderful father, so devoted and caring to his two boys. It gives me encouragement to see the three of them together and spend time together. There is a bright future for my boys, with the example they have to follow of their Daddy. And I've also seen him develop into an even greater husband over the years. I've seen him put aside his time, strength, and energy to provide for us, not only in financial ways, with working two jobs when needed, to allow me to only work part time and be the involved mother that I've always desired to be. But I've also seen him provide for me in emotional ways too. He knows when I need to have time to myself, and takes the boys for me. He knows when I need time out with him, and takes me on a nice date. He pays attention and studies me. More, I admit, than I sometimes study him. How wonderful to have someone love me so much and care about me so much to take the time to show me that I'm worth it! I love you, Scott, more today than the day before! I hope we will always be on the "same team" with each other and always grow closer to God, thus growing closer to each other, and making our marriage and life together even better than it is today! Thanks for the past nine years of marriage. I look forward to so many more!