Sunday, January 5, 2014

Just need to blog . . . can't get to sleep

So, I'm not sure why I can't get to sleep, but I just thought that blogging might help me get all of these feelings/emotions out that I'm feeling.  I'm not particularly overwhelmed, worried, but yet I am.  Doesn't make sense. Sometimes you just need to write for yourself, not for anyone else.  So, I guess that is what I will do.  Already my thoughts are a jumbled mess, but they are my mess I guess!
The past two weeks have been busy, fun filled, and overwhelming all at the same time.  We had a wonderful Christmas, enjoyed visits with my parents, Scott's parents, my sisters and their families, cousins, friends from college.  All really wonderful.  But being around people and going non-stop, although I enjoy being around people, I have learned that people drain me.  I need time to recover.  Time to myself to recharge.  Especially after a long two weeks of people.  I'm not quite sure when I will get that, but maybe that's why I'm up now blogging, reflecting . . . for myself to recover.
The holidays were one of the best we had.  I feel like our older two boys seemed to grasp that Christmas really wasn't just about receiving, and getting, getting, getting . . . but that it was about thinking of others too.  Enjoying time with our family and friends.  And most importantly about worshiping Jesus for whom we celebrate.  I was very, very happy and proud at the way all 3 of my kids behaved all during the past two weeks.  They all adjusted very well to changed schedules, out of the ordinary people around all the time, sleeping away from home, and just being flexible when it was needed.  Being out of routine can be challenging for all of us, but it is particularly challenging for my son who deals with anxiety and sensory processing disorder.  He really didn't have any major melt-downs, or really any at all that I would consider a melt-down during the past two weeks.  That is such a HUGE accomplishment for him!  Holiday times, family gatherings, celebrations used to be such stress for my husband and I . . . worrying about when and how he would melt down.  What would set him off.  We knew it was coming, but just when.  And how would others around us react.  Most people don't understand.  How would we react?  Would we have enough energy to deal with him the way we knew we should or would we melt down ourselves in all the chaos?  This year, we didn't have that, and it was such a nice change.  Sure there were times when he could've melted down at any time, but he and us took steps to prevent it and gave him the time and space to regulate himself when needed.  We planned in breaks away from people, and were proactive as much as we could be.
I want to say how proud I was of him last night too.  He and his brother and sister went to spend the night at my in-laws.  Everything was going fine until he got in trouble.  He was told he had to stop ichatting/texting on his ipod with a friend who had asked him to stop.  He didn't want to, and disobeyed and disrespected his grandparents when they told him to stop.  But instead of melting down, he talked to me on the phone and told me that he missed me and Scott and that he wanted to come home.  He said that he felt like he was going to cry if he didn't come home.  He SPOKE about his feelings and explained rather than melted down.  Yes, I know that he was in the wrong for disobeying and I'm sure the emotions of being angry that he got in trouble were what sparked him wanting to leave and come home.  But he talked it out instead of screaming!  I agreed to go get him, even though I know my husband did not want to at first. My husband felt like we were rewarding him for his misbehavior for coming and getting him.  But after talking through it with him, we agreed that he would receive his consequence for the behavior, and that us coming to get him was separate.  We were coming to get him because I believe he truly missed us and needed his mom and dad.  We needed to show him that we heard him speak his feelings and reward him for doing that, instead of having a melt-down screaming fit.  My husband and I were on the same page, and we went and got him.  He ended up going back to his grandparents house in the morning and did great.  I truly believe that while his misbehavior and the feelings of getting in trouble sparked him feeling bad and wanting to come home, I already saw his emotions building up for the past couple days.  After all, all of the craziness can put anyone's system out of whack, but especially someone with his particular sensory and anxiety related struggles. 
So, that is that.  Now, one more day until the busy school schedule returns.  I'm not ready.  Still so much to be done around here, things to put away, clean, etc. from the holidays.  But ready or not, here it comes.  Better try to get some sleep!
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